Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
