I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
