y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
