weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My liver just had a heart attack.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
