This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
