Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
