Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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