It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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