woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
