as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
