it wasn't lemon gatorade
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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