I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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