I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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