Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
