so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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