you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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