i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
