Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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