And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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