i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
