i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
we're so committed to being not committed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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