my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
