i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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