he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
