i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
