swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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