I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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