You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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