I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
