the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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