Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
