i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
