Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
