hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
