At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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