I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
