barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love you.
Bad choice
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
