you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
