She's JV to your varsity
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
