Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
