I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
