i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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