Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
