well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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