I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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