I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ok first of all what the fuck
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