What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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