Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
