make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
