ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
